Uh, I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch, so, uh, I'll get this relationship to about Texarkana. Tallahassee: So? Columbus: So, Tallahassee, you wanna stick together? At least - at least for a while? Tallahassee: Here's the deal, Columbus. Not bad for that scrawny little spit fuck.ĭialogue Columbus: You know, Tallahassee and Columbus are, both uh.east. believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date, and Someday soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go.empty. Not just any Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe.
I even loved your dramatic roles and just everything. You know, I swear, I've seen every one of your movies a million times. Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray! I had to get that out.Who'd have guessed that somethin' would be zombie killin'?
My momma always told me someday you'll be good at somethin'.I'm Columbus, Ohio from Zombieland, saying good night. So until next time, remember: Cardio, seat belts, and this really has nothing to do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody.And it had to be Wichita up there to make me realize that some rules.are meant to be broken. You are like a giant cock blocking robot, like developed in a secret fucking government lab!.Now that they are all now zombies, I kinda miss people. I used to avoid people like they were zombies before they were zombies.If the girls in your neighborhood are now fucked-up little monsters, well, maybe it's time to stop driving carpool. As zombies began to outnumber humans, well, that's when you had to cut all emotional ties. ] Don't let them catch you with your pants down. When you're at your most vulnerable, somehow, they could just smell it. It wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever. I mean, one more clean shot to the head.and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. In those moments where you're not quite sure if the undead are really "dead" dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. Which leads me to my second rule: The Double Tap.
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You had to get a gun, and learn how to use it. But as the infection spread and the chaos grew, it wasn't enough to just be fast on your feet. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties. Rule #1 for surviving Zombieland: Cardio. And why am I alive when everyone around me has turned to meat? It's because of my list of rules. It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shitstorm. This is now the United States of Zombieland. I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people.